the sky never brightens, but the sky never falls. it just hovers. it's not of this world, y'know? it's a container. it protects us from whatever the fuck it is that is 'out there'.
there is a god, i believe. and he's just grown bored with us. wouldn't you?
i am obsessed right now. with nothing in particular. just an abstract idea of something i thought might be love. but that is harder to believe in then god. i have no proof that god doesn't exist. but love? well. i'm an empirical kinda guy.
lou barlow is back. i'm listening to his new album while i ramble on. i believe music can save me. i can count on it. which is alot more than i can say for...for....ugh, i don't wanna keep doing this.
i'm not alone often. but when i am it's glorious! i am on my bed now, just listening and dreaming. it's heavenly. i recently read a book by chuck klosterman. there is a line in it that says something like, 'i don't see the difference between romance and solitude'. that really struck me. cuz i've always thought i was a romantic. but i think i might just be a misery junkie. and, y'know, junkies seek out other junkies.
but that line got me thinking. i only feel truly peaceful when i'm alone with my music. and if i have to be brutally honest, it may be the only time i feel true happiness. without any underlying neurosis. just purely, honestly happy.
i spent the last year with someone i really adored. just an amazing, but incredibly complicated woman. and i never really relaxed with her, y'know? cuz i knew it was temporary and i wasn't the person she really wanted to be with. and that's ok. you can't help how you feel. but i had moments of incredible excitement with her, and i love her dearly. BUT, i had a moment at work the other day. i was cooking some bullshit that comes out of a plastic bag. 'crimson and clover' came on. tommy james version. which is one of my favorite song. i went to the bathroom so i could just listen to it. and for 2 minutes i was gone. i strummed along on my imaginary gibson. i'm sure i was smiling. it was just perfect. and i felt so fucking happy. happier than any person has ever made me. i don't mean that as a dig. it's just the only thing that works. am i sick? or is this ok? romance and solitude, y'know. i felt less alone in that bathroom than i've felt in years.
so yeah, this barlow album is really good. i mean it's no 'sebadoh 3' and theres no 'truly great thing' ( which,for you couples in love, (sorry about that, i weep for your future) is one of the most beautiful love songs ever written (psssssst...it won't last...)) but it's really solid. you should buy it. it's better than coldplay or whatever the fuck you idiots listen to.
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