amateur night (needles and pins and fuckin' up)

i was a fucking child last night. these songs pretty much nail the beginning and ending. i'm an idiot. sorry.

the replacements- goddamn job + junior's got a gun

alright, hiatus is over. you need to see this.


this is the best quality early 'mats stuff i've ever seen. look at tommy! he looks like a baby. and the clip also makes you wonder how they ever thought they could make it without bob stinson. amazing stuff. best band ever.

what my brain feels like today

i'm going on hiatus. i'll be back at the end of the year, maybe, to do some 'best of' lists. meanwhile, try to get your heads around this. it's great, tho' i'm sure most of you will disagree. g'night.

santogold- l.e.s. artistes

santogold: musical innovator or the worlds' greatest dale bozzio imitator? either way i love this song. it makes me dance.

you won't see me dance.

procol harum- a whiter shade of pale

yeah, i agree, jenny. one of the best songs ever. you guys ever see 'fandango'? it's used to great effect in that movie. that organ is killer.

'sweet jane' and then some

my grandfather had this, uh, grand (for a better choice of of words) record player. it was as tall as me at the time. but i was so much older then. ha. but since, y'know, i've been in love with the scratch and pops. of 78's, y'see. you probly don't know what i'm talking about.
but...
the first time i heard 'sweet jane' was on that box. mike had lou reed's 'rock and roll diary'. and he was way, way too young to have it. he was always way ahead of my time. my biggest musical influence, tho i would never tell him that. he taught me, without telling me, that there was music somewhere else. somewhere else besides the radio. somewhere where you had to search for it. so it became work. something you had to care about. i think about the day i heard 'sweet jane' all the time. i've never told mike about that. i guess he knows it now. it was after my dad died. i don't know how that figures into it. but that song seemed to fill something in me. it made sense. it still does. when nothing else does. thanks, mike. that day changed me.
other music has hit me in similar ways. changed me.
'can't hardly wait'. i've discussed this. you know. it made me make sense of my angst.
the stray cats did it. don't laugh. a guy from long island who made it big. who did things honestly. i worked with a guy who knew setzer and who told me he always dressed like that. when i was 12 i was buying cats imports. did you guys get into bands that intensely, that early? probly not. i needed it. i wanted to know everything about them. i still have those imports. they do a great version of 'my back door' on the 'rebels rule' 12 inch, by the way.
and i got HUGE into the alarm. i still think they're better than U2.
and i remember being tortured, i mean REALLY tortured about whether i should be a bruce fan or an alarm fan. as if i had to choose. i was 12. i chose bruce because i became obsessed with 'nebraska'. oh, side note. if anyone here is thinking about having kids: don't let them listen to 'nebraska' when they are a pre-teen. it may affect their world view.
where was i?
oh, the wonder! the 'sweet jane' moment! do you guys have that moment? if you do let me know. i have that moment every so often. i had it today, actually, listening to dylans 'dreamin' of you'. have you heard it? jesus, you should.
and i'm so glad i can still have these moments. where my breath is taken away.
cuz it's magic, y'know? MAGIC!!! i mean, jesus you go through your day, right? and you feel alone. and you feel isolated. and then you hear a song....
stop.
stop reading.
do you know what i mean?
do you have that song? that song that makes you feel alright? that song that make you feel like you have an arm around you? i hope you do.
i don't know how i'd make it without that song.
or series of songs.

that's why i do this. part of it is narcissism, sure. i love to hear myself talk. but there's a reason, too. my problems are petty sure. people have it so much worse. but i like to tell you my problems and put a song to it. to show how our problems are universal. nothing we go through hasn't been gone through before.
there is company. there is a traveler. a song you can carry with you. a friend. you are not alone. there is a song for you. and you can't be alone with all this music in the air.

frank sinatra- summer wind

i wouldn't have minded if the summer had lasted just a little bit longer this year.
it was a really nice one.

jeff tweedy and glenn kotche- laminated cat

a song that nails how fall feels.this and 'flying shoes' by townes are my favorite gray day autumn tunes. they're like conversations you have in your head. there's something about this time of the year that helps me put things in perspective. i also tend to completely lose my mind. could go either way this year.

these 4 non sequiturs flow together so beautifully:

candy left over from halloween
a unified theory of everything
love left over from lovers leaving
books, they all know they're not worth reading

so, fall is here. it's gray and gloomy and dark for most of the day. suits me fine.

the monkees- daydream believer

besides 'wouldn't it be nice', the best sad song about being happy.
this is for my friend j.s. who is a HUGE monkees fan.

big star- i am the cosmos

you may need to listen to chris bell's version of this song to understand why it's one of the best songs ever. don't get why? lucky for you.

harry partch and captain beefheart

tom waits owes these guys some money. and they should send howlin' wolf's ghost to collect.

aren't all pleasures guilty?

a new fts segment. guilty pleasures. i have stellar taste in music. don't argue. you know in your bitter little hearts it's true. and part of you wants to be just like me. it's ok. accept it, move on.
however, there are skeletons. they rattle like maracas.
eddie money. 'i wanna go back'. i like this song. it touches me. buried beneath the shotgun snare, icicle synths, and ghastly, squealing saxophone is an authentic sadness. regret. resignation.
i pride myself on not being a nostalgic person. i boast about it. the past is some dream i woke from. it fades quickly. i don't like photographs. 'people take pictures of each other, to prove that they really existed'. ray davies. what's the point of remembering? the only things you want to remember are the good moments and they're gone and it's a drag so why do that to yourself. fuck the past and the ghosts that linger.
but maybe i protest too much.
maybe i'm swimming in the past. rewriting it, editing, turning the drama into a black comedy.
see, when you wake up one day and you're 37, and living in a duplex with your mom, actively alienating those around you, well, it forces you to think.
mistakes have been made.
would i go back? would i change things?
if i was ambitious, perhaps. if i wasn't a fatalist, yeah, maybe.
but you can't change yourself. even with a time machine.
so i've fucked up, i know. the key is not to dwell on it. just keep moving forward. and hopefully, someday, 'watch this hurting feeling disappear like it was common sense'. elvis costello.
well, that's it. i'm gonna fall into my time machine now. sleep. g'night y'all!

p.s. jesus. an eddie money song made me think that? i got problems.

well said, etc.

'you don't think life is sad?'-townes van zandt

bob dylan- most of the time

stunning version of this great 'oh mercy' cut. god...listen to those drums. hope you all can spare the 4 and a half minutes to listen. it's really quite beautiful.

well said, etc.

'a man must make unpopular decisions
surely from time to time
and a man can only stand what a man can stand
it's a wobbly, volatile line'.

-vic chesnutt, 'florida'

bob dylan- not dark yet

i like the fall. i like the colors of the leaves, the grayness of the sky. i like the illusion of a shorter day. it's 6 o'clock and i'm already in my sleepwear. which, honestly, is almost exactly the same as my active wear.
but it's dark out. so it must be time to sleep.
and it was rainy this afternoon, so that seemed like a good time to sleep too.
it occurs to me, y'know, that i should be doing something. cuz laying around and dwelling on things doesn't help. my brain knows this. it's amazing the trouble you can get into doing nothing at all. there is poison everywhere and if you're not really careful....shhhh....if you're not careful it could get inside you!
i don't enjoy being by myself as much as i used to. it's like being stuck in a room with someone you can't stand. you know what that's like, don't you? if you know me you do!
so, yeah, i'm here on the couch again. thinking. the tv is on with the mute on. i have music playing. this is what crazy people do, right? jesus, i'm turning into roky fucking erickson. without the voice.
so i should get out. maybe head to the black cat. i'm sure to find some stimulating conversation there. good company.
see, the problem is, i'm a snob. it's hard for me to really like people. and it happens so seldom.
but jesus, it's dark. outside i mean. it may as well be midnight. and i may as well be asleep. that's the place where my brain stops. i rarely dream. i toss and turn horribly, true, but i mostly sleep. and everything is off. and i'm not sure, but i think i may be a sleep smiler. i'm smiling just thinking about it.
my day lasts as long as the suns. that's enough.

it has occurred to me i could deal with things better.
it occurs to me alot.

alejandro escovedo- i was drunk

the smiths-heaven knows i'm miserable now

'i was happy in the haze of a drunken hour
and heaven knows i'm miserable now
i went looking for job and then i found a job
and heaven knows i'm miserable now.'

it'll be ok.

townes van zandt- a song for

...myself going crazy, the way that it does...

ramones-do you wanna dance?

i love every version of this song. if i had any guts i would dance more often. i love the idea of dancing. it's true. and i've been known to cut a rug while by myself listening to curtis mayfield or sam cooke. you wouldn't know. i'm a private dancer. so to speak.

album review :paul westerberg- stereo

so, uh, i'll preface this by saying i'm alone in my room right now, real alone, listening to this album and typing. type...type...typeing!!!! it's best to keep my hands busy at night. otherwise i throw punches at my ghosts and anger them toward nightmaring me. i don't want to be nightmared tonight.
there's lots of alones. i'm alone tonight, true. alone, alone. other people are at work alone, or at partys alone, or in a room with someone, alone.
and it's tough, either way. we all want to be connected. we want to be heard. i do. that's why i'm writing this. it's for me, true. but i know someone is reading. and that makes me less alone. and makes them less alone too, i hope.

'just add water someones done for'.

i have listened to paul westerberg for over 20 years. in many ways he is my oldest friend. the way 'tim' spoke to me as an angry, lost, sad, drunk, and lonely kid, 'stereo' speaks to me as, well, pretty much the same kid 20 years later. 'boring enormous' reminds me of my former, blissful, domesticated ways. and the moving van part hints at how it ended.

'Moving vans and swollen hands leave their mark
I pledge allegiance to the sky
Of the only place I like
Anymore'

i mean, i don't know if you ever had to move out of a place you called home, but that nails it. like when i was 17 the lyric:

'the ones who love us best
are the ones we lay to rest
and visit their graves on holidays at best.
the ones who love us least
are the ones we'll die to please
if it's any consolation, i don't begin to understand them.'

nailed it.

that makes me think about how i didn't visit my dad's grave when i was in ny. 5 minutes away. i'm a heel. that's another story. i'm gonna take a break now and grab a drink.

(5 minutes later)

ahem.

'THERE'S A WORLD IN BETWEEN BEING EVERYTHING TO EVERYONE AND BEING NOTHING, TO NO ONE.'

i capitalized that, sure. for a reason. it goes through my head. daily. i tried, once, to be everything to everyone. haven't you? when you grin like an idiot and pretend everything is ok. but you're empty, cuz the people you grin at consider you a secondary character. and it's not their fault. they have their hands full. they have friends, and wives, and lovers, and boyfriends. and you are on the periphery. a shadow, a floater. something seen, something in the field of vision, but not important. a diversion, at best.

so loneliness, i guess, is westerberg's muse. he's alone in a crowd. he walks through the mall and invents stories for the people on the escalator. he mocks the silly bastards waiting on line for a 32 oz. coke and a bag of popcorn. he scowls at the beauty with the dark hair, and the beautiful dress, and the sad, brown eyes. the one he wants so bad. who will never turn her head to him again.

or, y'know, not. that's what i got from the album. you should give it a listen and let me know what you think. i'm not a fucking expert, y'know.


'just add water, i'm disappointed
just like my father, i missed the point'.

yikes.









'

new york dolls- personality crisis

can you believe there are still people around who think the beatles and the stones are better than the dolls? i know, those people are fucking crazy. of course, millions of people listen to sting and nobody listens to scott walker, so there you go. life's unfair.

derek and the dominos-thorn tree in the garden

just a really lovely song. sung by bobby whitlock. listen to it.