a fool will waste his life, god rest his guts

ed. note: please listen while you read. it works better that way.


you could go in the front way or the back way. if you were lucky you got in the back way. it was dark, and there was a piano right by the stairs that led to the bar. i seranaded many a lady on that piano, tho ther was only a real lady there once. and i never bedded her. but i love her still. true story. 2nd girl i ever kissed and still the best. front porch of kathy's house, i believe. i remember these things. they are important. it was a magical kiss, cuz it was a long time coming. it was mostly cuz of exclusion, true. but aren't most kisses? aren't you with the person your'e with cuz they're the last option? they were the best of the worst? jeez, listen to me. i'm so jaded. am i old enough to be so jaded? fuck, yes, i am.

but the back door. you had to knock. cuz, y'know, this was before the age of cell phones. so, no, not knock. pound! and usually there was somebody upstairs smoking. or trying to get a private moment with a....well...y'know...special for the moment person. so, you'd pound, hopefully for a minute and they'd open the door and it would swing open and your already half drunk night would begin for real!! because you had full run of the keg! and there were no adults! cuz you were adults. legally. for real. tho' not old enough to drink. hee hee hee.

i broke my hand there once. punched the big fucking oak door. rightfully so. cuz of a girl named erin. funny. i have a sister in law named erin. but she wasn't even the girl i was in love with!! it was ****. 'sweet lou', as she was known. and, let it be known, i have loved other girls since. slept with some. married one. but have i ever felt anything so intensely? probly not. but i was young. so young. and so drunk.

i have loved alchohol for many years. in many ways it has been my most succesful relationship. i keep going back to it. it never judges. never regects. it always welcomes me back after i have strayed.

and yet...

and yet...

our relationship is frowned upon.

so i abstain.

for small periods of time.

but you should know, honey. and you should know, friends. that i'm coming back for you. cuz you're the one for me, baby.

and none of these motherfuckers can ever convince me of anything else.