this sounds a bit like goodbye, in a way it is i guess

i'm a big ricky gervais fan. 'the office' is, dare i say, the greatest show ever.
but my favorite thing about gervais is that he knew when to quit. the show ended after two seasons. perfect. it never had the time to go bad.

you see where this is going?

yes, kids. i'm ending the blog. this will be the last post on 'follow the sound'. shhhhh. don't cry. it'll be ok. i'm gonna start a new music blog, tentatively titled 'the minor fall, the major lift'. it'll be all about music, nothing about my personal life. what a relief! and qner, the list you asked for will be the first post.

thanks for reading. i know this thing was kinda personal. it helped me in some ways, but it's become really difficult to air all of my innermost feelings for all to see.
thanks for reading. i'll let you all know when the new one is up and running. now, go listen to some music.

love,
jim

i'm gonna repost the best thing i ever put up. john cale doing 'hallelujah'. enjoy!

must i paint you a picture?- billy bragg

the most beautiful soul song ever. every word is perfect.

but not for me- ella fitzgerald

i love new york in june.
i love a gershwin tune.

how 'bout you?

where do you go to (my lovely)- peter sarstedt

a really lovely song featured in one of my favorite films, 'the darjeeling limited'.

my favorite musical moment of 2008

Birds flying high you know how I feel
Sun in the sky you know how I feel
Reeds drifting on by you know how I feel

Its a new dawn
Its a new day
Its a new life
For me
And Im feeling good

that's it. that's how it starts. acapella. that ghostly voice. the loud hush in the background, like the musicians can't sit still in their seats before they rip into that sultry riff. nina simone. 'feeling good'.

i used to go to the limelight almost every thursday night with jrod and the rose throat. it was nice. it was the first night of my weekend and i looked forward to it. i could relax a little and be with people i liked. and, as you all know by now, i had a huge crush on the rose throat. my pulse did, in fact, become rapid when i saw her stroll in behind jrod every thursday, around 7'ish.

so, this particular thursday, she brought her ipod. i think she might have been on a bit of a mission to play me something i hadn't heard before. she did. while i was a casual nina simone fan (which seems sacrilege. nina simone deserves DEVOTION!!), i hadn't heard this song before.

getting ahead of myself.

the bar was sorta crowded that night. strange for the 'light, which is almost always empty. my favorite thing about it. i had been there for a bit before they got there. the throat strolled in, waved, and headed straight for the bar. i fidgeted. y'know. the way i fidget. she and jrod finally got to the table. i, as usual, greeted jrod and immediately focused all of my attention on the rose throat. to my delight she threw headphones over my ears. said 'listen to this'. then that voice filled my ears. the quote above.

sometimes i get in a trance listening to music. even if it's in the background. we may be in a deep conversation, but if i hear something interesting from a ways off i will focus on it. hear every note of it. some of you may have witnessed this. i zone off. i'm gone. it's overwhelming! all those instruments! all those notes!! all of it coming together, constructing this beautiful whole! like how different colors and lines can create a masterpiece! y'know, it's magic. when you think about it.

that's the moment i had. i remember looking at the throats' quite beautiful face, and thinking 'i'll never be able to concentrate on this song'. then the drums hit. POP! Like a sledgehammer on a blanketed cinder block. and the horns descended, slightly sinister, slightly holy, totally soulful.

the room turned dark. i remember her face, and i saw stars, and i closed my eyes. if i was a better writer i could describe the rest of it.

i'm kinda glad i can't. it was perfect as it was.

next thing i remember was jrod ripping the phones off my head and being pissed we were ignoring him.

but it's ok. he got over it. i don't know if i did tho'.

it's been a good year for music. i got into alot of new, good stuff. enhanced my collection. saw some good shows.

but nothing matched that moment.

thanks, rose throat, for bringing magic back into my life.

ricky nelson- the christmas song

not only my favorite christmas song, but one of my favorite songs ever. what a gorgeous melody! written by mel torme, who also does a stellar version. i like this one too. it's kinda...um...sweet.
merry christmas to you all, my friends. i love you guys.

sorry. feeling a touch sentimental tonight.

it'll pass.

elvis costello and the cheiftans- st. stephens day murders

continuing my downer christmas series. i love this song. especially the 'get rid of them' echo chorus.gluttony? drinking? murder? ah, that's my kind of christmas!! play it loud!





St. Stephen's Day Murders

(Paddy Moloney/Elvis Costello)

I knew of two sisters whose name it was Christmas,
And one was named Dawn of course, the other one was named Eve.
I wonder if they grew up hating the season,
The good will that lasts til the Feast of St. Stephen

For that is the time to eat, drink, and be merry,
Til the beer is all spilled and the whiskey has flowed.
And the whole family tree you neglected to bury,
Are feeding their faces until they explode.

Chorus:

There'll be laughter and tears over Tia Marias,
Mixed up with that drink made from girders.
’Cause it's all we've got left as they draw their last breath,
Ah, it's nice for the kids, as you finally get rid of them,
In the St Stephen's Day Murders.

Uncle is garglin' a heart-breaking air,
While the babe in his arms pulls out all that remains of his hair.
And we're not drunk enough yet to dare criticize,
The great big kipper tie he's about to baptize.

With his gin-flavoured whiskers and kisses of sherry,
His best Chrimbo shirt slung out over the shop.
While the lights from the Christmas tree blow up the telly,
His face closes in like an old cold pork chop.

Alternate Chorus:

And the carcass of the beast left over from the feast,
May still be found haunting the kitchen.
And there's life in it yet, we may live to regret,
When the ones that we poisoned stop twitchin'.

Regular Chorus Repeat

i'll be home for christmas- chris isaak

what's worse? to not have a home to go to for christmas, or to not be able to get to the home you want to? probly the later.
this is for j.s. hope you make it home, bonita.

shane macgowan- christmas lullabye

It seems like a freeze out
It seems like a freize
Stumbling I fell down
And prayed on my knees
The ice wagon's coming
To pick up the stiffs
Had a chat with an old one
He was gone in a jiff
And Santa and his reindeer
Jumped over the moon
So hush little child
Santa's coming here soon

Tura lura luray
Tura lura lie
Tura lura luray
It's a Christmas lullaby
Tura lura luray
Tura lura lie
Tura lura luray
It's a Christmas lullaby

I hope you grow up angry
Just like your dear old dad
I hope you grow up brave and strong
Not like me - all weak and sad
You said "Daddy, daddy,
You're stinking of booze"
I kissed him and said, "Kid,
I was born to lose.
But you have a future
And a big world to save
And I hope you'll remember
All the love that I gave."

Tura lura luray
Tura lura lie
Tura lura luray
It's a Christmas lullaby
Tura lura luray
Tura lura lie
Tura lura luray
It's a Christmas lullaby

Heres to all the little kids
Who haven't got no clothes
Heres to all the little kids
Who haven't got no homes
It's Christmas time in Palastine
It's Christmas in Beirut
They're scrapping 'round for rice
Not for tutti fruits
And the Christmas lights, they blew up
Now the 'lecky's all gone dead
I look like a coal miner
And I've a pain inside my head

Tura lura luray
Tura lura lie
Tura lura luray
It's a Christmas lullaby
Tura lura luray
Tura lura lie
Tura lura luray
It's a Christmas lullaby

Tura lura luray
Tura lura lie
Tura lura luray
It's a Christmas lullaby
Tura lura luray
Tura lura lie
Tura lura luray
It's a Christmas lullaby

william s. burroughs and kurt cobain- the priest they called him

something all parents should read to their children every christmas eve. the priests final act of generosity and selflessness is a good lesson for kids to learn. and cobain's ultra grating guitar work keeps it all razor sharp. a tough but rewarding listen.
and shouldn't you reward yourself too this christmas?

winter was warm- from 'mr.magoo's christmas carol

father christmas- the kinks

my fave xmas song. at once cynical and compassionate. and totally rockin'!!!

in my room

if i could take a picture of my mind this is what it would look like. dingy, cluttered, dark, and messy. but, ah...all that music....

david byrne- one fine day

from the eno/byrne album 'everything that happens will happen today', a late contender for album of the year. i wrote a piss poor review yesterday that i've removed. they can't all be winners. this clip explains it all much better anyway.

bruce springsteen- i want you

how did i not know this existed? springsteen covering one of my fave dylan songs.
i've always been drawn to dylan's love songs. there's never been anything simple about them. they're complicated and sad and scatter shot and pleading and angry and completely loving. which is how i feel lately.
and for all the wordiness in this song, all the characters and metaphor, it could have been edited down to just the chorus:

i want you
honey i want you
i want you
so bad.

sometimes i wish i was somewhere else. sometimes i wish i was in the audience in philly, '75, hearing this song live. sipping a lukewarm domestic, sneaking peeks at the girls dancing slowly at the front of the stage.

that's not where i wish i was tonight.

2fer

these are for jenny and kevin, 2 really nice and cool people. hope you enjoy!

brian eno- mother whale eyeless

there's something about brian eno's music that touches me deeply. it's incredibly emotional, but, somehow, detached. like a psychiatrist reading his notes. or a sociopath pretending, convincingly, to be empathetic. uduhno. it hits me.
like the lyrics to this song. so abstract, but it says something concrete. to me at least. some lines seem literal, some float away. and besides all that psychobabble, listen to the music! the 'in my town' part is fucking glorious! ahhhhhh.....

brian eno-mother whale eyelss

'I can think of nowhere I would rather be
Reading morning papers, drinking morning tea:
She clutches the tray
And then we talk just like a kitchen sink play
Nothing ventured, nothing gained.
Living so close to danger,
Even your friends are strangers
Don't count upon their company.

This is for the fingers,
This is for the nails:
Hidden in the kitchen,
Right behind the scales.
What do I care?
I'm wasting fingers like I had them to spare,
Plugging holes in the Zuider Zee.
Punishing Paul for Peter,
Don't ever trust those meters
What you believe is what you see.

In my town, there is a raincoat under a tree.
In the sky, there is a cloud containing the sea.
In the sea, there is a whale without any eyes.
In the whale, there is a man without his raincoat.

In another country, with another name
Maybe things are different, maybe they're the same.

Back on the trail,
The seven soldiers read the papers and mail
But the news, it doesn't change.
Swinging about through creepers,
Parachutes caught on steeples
Heroes are born, but heroes die.
Just a few days, a little practice and some holiday pay,
We're all sure you'll make the grade.
Mother of God, if you care,
We're on a train to nowhere
Please put a cross upon our eyes.
Take me - I'm nearly ready, you can take me
To the raincoat in the sky.
Take me - my little pastry mother take me
There's a pie shop in the sky.

john lennon- jealous guy

god, such a beautiful melody. and those lyrics. what a fucking waste. 28 years today. r.i.p.

miles from nowhere- the only ones

there is staggering beauty everywhere. i saw it on a bus yesterday. i saw it in a restaurant today. i'm hearing it now.
a man walks into a bar....
no.
a man stumbles out of a car...
no.
a man, flat on his back in his room. a rented room in a town he vaguely remembers coming to. years can pass easily. you don't see them coming and you don't feel them pass. there is a fog that helps obscure what is too ugly to look on.
there is mist and there is rain.
there is a man clinging to life.
there is a man pissing his away.

still the beauty.
and you can't escape it. it's why you're here. you've seen it and you can't look away. to go to sleep is to hide from it. to die is to dismiss it. but it can't be ignored. you know it's there and that's where the sorrow comes from. it's there and now you can't find it. it's hiding from you. it doesn't want you.
can't you hear me?
i used to reach for the stars but now i've reformed.....
i'll turn my back to the beauty.
it's too ugly to look on...

get happy!

'are you depressed?'
i get that alot. just cuz i spend alot of time on the couch. early in my pajamas. little to say.
yeah, i'm depressed.
but jesus, that's nothing new.
i know. i know. it's a drag for my loved ones. people are concerned at first. then they get pissed. and rightfully so. get off the couch, ya fucking baby, you're a grown man!
i'm trying,really.

i've been listening to alot of sad bastard music lately. elliott smith, townes van zandt, 'blood on the tracks', etc. i know, i know. it's throwing water on a drowning man.

so. today, i thought i'd try something new. i thought i'd listen to, if not exactly happy, energetic music. tho' i didn't really feel like it.

know what? it worked like a motherfucker.

first i listened to the gun club. 'las vegas story'. certainly not a feel good album, true. but powerful. not lying on the couch music. jeffrey lee pierce singing his heart out, trying ferociously to exorcise his demons. wow. that doesn't sound happy. but you gotta listen to kid congo powers destroy a guitar solo to know what i mean. (hint, hint, buy a fucking gun club album). i had my eyes closed the whole time i listened to it. staggering. it made me want to try. that's been missing lately.

then i put on van morrison's 'his band and the street choir'. positively fucking joyous. the squealing saxophones! the piercing trumpets! the growling, huffing, blurting, howling voice of van the man! jesus, why don't i listen to him more? i made the record skip 'cuz i did a leg kick during 'domino' and landed it hard on the floor. don't tell anyone. but i dance like a drunk when i'm listening to music. it moves me. music should always make you feel physical. to make you feel like fighting or fucking. or dancing. shutting off yer brain and enjoying not thinking.
it's so good. please listen to it.
how could you not?
....
....
ah....

then i put on the only ones anthology. you probably don't know them unless you're a replacements fan and have heard a live version of 'another girl, another planet'. possibly the greatest power pop song since 'septemeber gurls'. oh yeah. listen to big star too.
if i had to settle it once and for all i'd have to say power pop is my favorite form of music. cuz it's usually downer lyrics. with beach boys melodies. great harmonies. swirling guitars. it makes you consider you're present state while taking you far, far away from it.

so, am i depressed? yeah. horribly.
but i have my moments of euphoria too.

do you 'happy' people have those?

chelsea hotel- rufus wainwhright

one of the most beautiful songs ever put to tape. one of the most beautiful performances to ever pass through my ears.
a leonard cohen song.
this version is the ultimate.
i really, really hope you watch it. and listen to it.

bob dylan- dreaming of you

current leader in the 'song of the year' category. this song killed me the very first time i heard it. the insistent guitar line perfectly captures that paranoia and obsession that comes with wanting someone who is not coming back. it's a drag, but at least good music comes from it. so, i guess, that's something. enjoy this. i gotta get back to dreaming.







The light in this place is really bad
Like being in the bottom of a stream
Any minute now I'm expecting to wake up from a dream
Miss so much, the softest touch
Like the grave of some child child
Who neither wept nor smiled
I'm hiding my faith in the rain
I've been dreamin' of you
That's all I do
And it's driving me insane

Somewhere dawn is breaking
Light is streaking across the floor
Church bells are ringing
I wonder who they're ringing for
Travel under any star
You'll see me wherever you are

The shadowy past is so vague and so vast,
I'm sleeping in the Palace of pain
I've been dreamin' of you
That's all I do
But it's driving me insane

Maybe they'll get me, maybe they won't
But whatever, it won't be tonight
I wish your hand was in mine right now,
We could go where the moon is wide

For years they had me locked in a cage,
Then they threw me onto the stage
Somethings just last longer then you thought they would
And they never ever explain
I'm dreamin' of you
That's all I do
And it's driving me insane

Well I eat when I'm hungry
Drink when I'm dry
Live my life on the square
Even if the flesh falls off my face
It won't matter as long as you're there

Feel like a ghost in love
Underneath the heavens above
Feel further away then I ever did before
Feel further than I can take
Dreamin' of you, that's all I do,
But it's driving me insane

Everything in the way is so shy like the day
In queer and unusual form
Spirals of golden haze here in there in a blaze
Like beams of light in a star.

Maybe you're here or maybe you weren't
Maybe you touched somebody and got burned
The silent sun has got me on the run
Burning a hole in my brain
I'm dreamin' of you,
That's all I do
But it's driving me insane.

beach boys- in my room

y'know, concern and advice are nice. we all need them. but sometimes it's nice when someone just puts their arm around you and tells you it'll be ok. this song does that for me. hope it does for you.

it'll be ok.

amateur night (needles and pins and fuckin' up)

i was a fucking child last night. these songs pretty much nail the beginning and ending. i'm an idiot. sorry.

the replacements- goddamn job + junior's got a gun

alright, hiatus is over. you need to see this.


this is the best quality early 'mats stuff i've ever seen. look at tommy! he looks like a baby. and the clip also makes you wonder how they ever thought they could make it without bob stinson. amazing stuff. best band ever.

what my brain feels like today

i'm going on hiatus. i'll be back at the end of the year, maybe, to do some 'best of' lists. meanwhile, try to get your heads around this. it's great, tho' i'm sure most of you will disagree. g'night.

santogold- l.e.s. artistes

santogold: musical innovator or the worlds' greatest dale bozzio imitator? either way i love this song. it makes me dance.

you won't see me dance.

procol harum- a whiter shade of pale

yeah, i agree, jenny. one of the best songs ever. you guys ever see 'fandango'? it's used to great effect in that movie. that organ is killer.

'sweet jane' and then some

my grandfather had this, uh, grand (for a better choice of of words) record player. it was as tall as me at the time. but i was so much older then. ha. but since, y'know, i've been in love with the scratch and pops. of 78's, y'see. you probly don't know what i'm talking about.
but...
the first time i heard 'sweet jane' was on that box. mike had lou reed's 'rock and roll diary'. and he was way, way too young to have it. he was always way ahead of my time. my biggest musical influence, tho i would never tell him that. he taught me, without telling me, that there was music somewhere else. somewhere else besides the radio. somewhere where you had to search for it. so it became work. something you had to care about. i think about the day i heard 'sweet jane' all the time. i've never told mike about that. i guess he knows it now. it was after my dad died. i don't know how that figures into it. but that song seemed to fill something in me. it made sense. it still does. when nothing else does. thanks, mike. that day changed me.
other music has hit me in similar ways. changed me.
'can't hardly wait'. i've discussed this. you know. it made me make sense of my angst.
the stray cats did it. don't laugh. a guy from long island who made it big. who did things honestly. i worked with a guy who knew setzer and who told me he always dressed like that. when i was 12 i was buying cats imports. did you guys get into bands that intensely, that early? probly not. i needed it. i wanted to know everything about them. i still have those imports. they do a great version of 'my back door' on the 'rebels rule' 12 inch, by the way.
and i got HUGE into the alarm. i still think they're better than U2.
and i remember being tortured, i mean REALLY tortured about whether i should be a bruce fan or an alarm fan. as if i had to choose. i was 12. i chose bruce because i became obsessed with 'nebraska'. oh, side note. if anyone here is thinking about having kids: don't let them listen to 'nebraska' when they are a pre-teen. it may affect their world view.
where was i?
oh, the wonder! the 'sweet jane' moment! do you guys have that moment? if you do let me know. i have that moment every so often. i had it today, actually, listening to dylans 'dreamin' of you'. have you heard it? jesus, you should.
and i'm so glad i can still have these moments. where my breath is taken away.
cuz it's magic, y'know? MAGIC!!! i mean, jesus you go through your day, right? and you feel alone. and you feel isolated. and then you hear a song....
stop.
stop reading.
do you know what i mean?
do you have that song? that song that makes you feel alright? that song that make you feel like you have an arm around you? i hope you do.
i don't know how i'd make it without that song.
or series of songs.

that's why i do this. part of it is narcissism, sure. i love to hear myself talk. but there's a reason, too. my problems are petty sure. people have it so much worse. but i like to tell you my problems and put a song to it. to show how our problems are universal. nothing we go through hasn't been gone through before.
there is company. there is a traveler. a song you can carry with you. a friend. you are not alone. there is a song for you. and you can't be alone with all this music in the air.

frank sinatra- summer wind

i wouldn't have minded if the summer had lasted just a little bit longer this year.
it was a really nice one.

jeff tweedy and glenn kotche- laminated cat

a song that nails how fall feels.this and 'flying shoes' by townes are my favorite gray day autumn tunes. they're like conversations you have in your head. there's something about this time of the year that helps me put things in perspective. i also tend to completely lose my mind. could go either way this year.

these 4 non sequiturs flow together so beautifully:

candy left over from halloween
a unified theory of everything
love left over from lovers leaving
books, they all know they're not worth reading

so, fall is here. it's gray and gloomy and dark for most of the day. suits me fine.

the monkees- daydream believer

besides 'wouldn't it be nice', the best sad song about being happy.
this is for my friend j.s. who is a HUGE monkees fan.

big star- i am the cosmos

you may need to listen to chris bell's version of this song to understand why it's one of the best songs ever. don't get why? lucky for you.

harry partch and captain beefheart

tom waits owes these guys some money. and they should send howlin' wolf's ghost to collect.

aren't all pleasures guilty?

a new fts segment. guilty pleasures. i have stellar taste in music. don't argue. you know in your bitter little hearts it's true. and part of you wants to be just like me. it's ok. accept it, move on.
however, there are skeletons. they rattle like maracas.
eddie money. 'i wanna go back'. i like this song. it touches me. buried beneath the shotgun snare, icicle synths, and ghastly, squealing saxophone is an authentic sadness. regret. resignation.
i pride myself on not being a nostalgic person. i boast about it. the past is some dream i woke from. it fades quickly. i don't like photographs. 'people take pictures of each other, to prove that they really existed'. ray davies. what's the point of remembering? the only things you want to remember are the good moments and they're gone and it's a drag so why do that to yourself. fuck the past and the ghosts that linger.
but maybe i protest too much.
maybe i'm swimming in the past. rewriting it, editing, turning the drama into a black comedy.
see, when you wake up one day and you're 37, and living in a duplex with your mom, actively alienating those around you, well, it forces you to think.
mistakes have been made.
would i go back? would i change things?
if i was ambitious, perhaps. if i wasn't a fatalist, yeah, maybe.
but you can't change yourself. even with a time machine.
so i've fucked up, i know. the key is not to dwell on it. just keep moving forward. and hopefully, someday, 'watch this hurting feeling disappear like it was common sense'. elvis costello.
well, that's it. i'm gonna fall into my time machine now. sleep. g'night y'all!

p.s. jesus. an eddie money song made me think that? i got problems.

well said, etc.

'you don't think life is sad?'-townes van zandt

bob dylan- most of the time

stunning version of this great 'oh mercy' cut. god...listen to those drums. hope you all can spare the 4 and a half minutes to listen. it's really quite beautiful.

well said, etc.

'a man must make unpopular decisions
surely from time to time
and a man can only stand what a man can stand
it's a wobbly, volatile line'.

-vic chesnutt, 'florida'

bob dylan- not dark yet

i like the fall. i like the colors of the leaves, the grayness of the sky. i like the illusion of a shorter day. it's 6 o'clock and i'm already in my sleepwear. which, honestly, is almost exactly the same as my active wear.
but it's dark out. so it must be time to sleep.
and it was rainy this afternoon, so that seemed like a good time to sleep too.
it occurs to me, y'know, that i should be doing something. cuz laying around and dwelling on things doesn't help. my brain knows this. it's amazing the trouble you can get into doing nothing at all. there is poison everywhere and if you're not really careful....shhhh....if you're not careful it could get inside you!
i don't enjoy being by myself as much as i used to. it's like being stuck in a room with someone you can't stand. you know what that's like, don't you? if you know me you do!
so, yeah, i'm here on the couch again. thinking. the tv is on with the mute on. i have music playing. this is what crazy people do, right? jesus, i'm turning into roky fucking erickson. without the voice.
so i should get out. maybe head to the black cat. i'm sure to find some stimulating conversation there. good company.
see, the problem is, i'm a snob. it's hard for me to really like people. and it happens so seldom.
but jesus, it's dark. outside i mean. it may as well be midnight. and i may as well be asleep. that's the place where my brain stops. i rarely dream. i toss and turn horribly, true, but i mostly sleep. and everything is off. and i'm not sure, but i think i may be a sleep smiler. i'm smiling just thinking about it.
my day lasts as long as the suns. that's enough.

it has occurred to me i could deal with things better.
it occurs to me alot.

alejandro escovedo- i was drunk

the smiths-heaven knows i'm miserable now

'i was happy in the haze of a drunken hour
and heaven knows i'm miserable now
i went looking for job and then i found a job
and heaven knows i'm miserable now.'

it'll be ok.

townes van zandt- a song for

...myself going crazy, the way that it does...

ramones-do you wanna dance?

i love every version of this song. if i had any guts i would dance more often. i love the idea of dancing. it's true. and i've been known to cut a rug while by myself listening to curtis mayfield or sam cooke. you wouldn't know. i'm a private dancer. so to speak.

album review :paul westerberg- stereo

so, uh, i'll preface this by saying i'm alone in my room right now, real alone, listening to this album and typing. type...type...typeing!!!! it's best to keep my hands busy at night. otherwise i throw punches at my ghosts and anger them toward nightmaring me. i don't want to be nightmared tonight.
there's lots of alones. i'm alone tonight, true. alone, alone. other people are at work alone, or at partys alone, or in a room with someone, alone.
and it's tough, either way. we all want to be connected. we want to be heard. i do. that's why i'm writing this. it's for me, true. but i know someone is reading. and that makes me less alone. and makes them less alone too, i hope.

'just add water someones done for'.

i have listened to paul westerberg for over 20 years. in many ways he is my oldest friend. the way 'tim' spoke to me as an angry, lost, sad, drunk, and lonely kid, 'stereo' speaks to me as, well, pretty much the same kid 20 years later. 'boring enormous' reminds me of my former, blissful, domesticated ways. and the moving van part hints at how it ended.

'Moving vans and swollen hands leave their mark
I pledge allegiance to the sky
Of the only place I like
Anymore'

i mean, i don't know if you ever had to move out of a place you called home, but that nails it. like when i was 17 the lyric:

'the ones who love us best
are the ones we lay to rest
and visit their graves on holidays at best.
the ones who love us least
are the ones we'll die to please
if it's any consolation, i don't begin to understand them.'

nailed it.

that makes me think about how i didn't visit my dad's grave when i was in ny. 5 minutes away. i'm a heel. that's another story. i'm gonna take a break now and grab a drink.

(5 minutes later)

ahem.

'THERE'S A WORLD IN BETWEEN BEING EVERYTHING TO EVERYONE AND BEING NOTHING, TO NO ONE.'

i capitalized that, sure. for a reason. it goes through my head. daily. i tried, once, to be everything to everyone. haven't you? when you grin like an idiot and pretend everything is ok. but you're empty, cuz the people you grin at consider you a secondary character. and it's not their fault. they have their hands full. they have friends, and wives, and lovers, and boyfriends. and you are on the periphery. a shadow, a floater. something seen, something in the field of vision, but not important. a diversion, at best.

so loneliness, i guess, is westerberg's muse. he's alone in a crowd. he walks through the mall and invents stories for the people on the escalator. he mocks the silly bastards waiting on line for a 32 oz. coke and a bag of popcorn. he scowls at the beauty with the dark hair, and the beautiful dress, and the sad, brown eyes. the one he wants so bad. who will never turn her head to him again.

or, y'know, not. that's what i got from the album. you should give it a listen and let me know what you think. i'm not a fucking expert, y'know.


'just add water, i'm disappointed
just like my father, i missed the point'.

yikes.









'

new york dolls- personality crisis

can you believe there are still people around who think the beatles and the stones are better than the dolls? i know, those people are fucking crazy. of course, millions of people listen to sting and nobody listens to scott walker, so there you go. life's unfair.

derek and the dominos-thorn tree in the garden

just a really lovely song. sung by bobby whitlock. listen to it.

roky erickson- i walked with a zombie

he really did.

well said, etc.

''Music is amazing. There's some metaphysical comfort where it allows you to be isolated and alone while telling you that you are not alone... truly, the only cure for sadness is to share it with someone else. -Wayne Coyne

the kinks-days

ray davies finest. written for a woman he was having a 'doomed love affair' with. the gratitude that overcomes the sadness is touching. it's free of bitterness. somehow this makes it sadder.
this one is for rose throat.


days
Thank you for the days,
Those endless days, those sacred days you gave me.
Im thinking of the days,
I wont forget a single day, believe me.

I bless the light,
I bless the light that lights on you believe me.
And though youre gone,
Youre with me every single day, believe me.

Days Ill remember all my life,
Days when you cant see wrong from right.
You took my life,
But then I knew that very soon youd leave me,
But its all right,
Now Im not frightened of this world, believe me.

I wish today could be tomorrow,
The night is dark,
It just brings sorrow anyway.

Thank you for the days,
Those endless days, those sacred days you gave me.
Im thinking of the days,
I wont forget a single day, believe me.

Days Ill remember all my life,
Days when you cant see wrong from right.
You took my life,
But then I knew that very soon youd leave me,
But its all right,
Now Im not frightened of this world, believe me.
Days.

Thank you for the days,
Those endless days, those sacred days you gave me.
Im thinking of the days,
I wont forget a single day, believe me.

I bless the light,
I bless the light that shines on you believe me.
And though youre gone,
Youre with me every single day, believe me.
Days.

blondie-hanging on the telephone

the best blondie song you'll never hear on the radio. i got a phone call that cheered me up last night. thanks.

elliott smith-waltz. no.2

'here today and expected to stay
on and on and on
i'm tired, i'm tired'

i've been feeling like shit lately. it's been suggested to me that i may be listening to too much sad bastard music. but it's the only thing that works. people depress me, i can't think straight anymore, and i've had this nagging cough that i suspect may be cancer.
this song works. it makes me feel better.

'it's ok, it's alright, nothing's wrong'.

bruce springsteen- i ain't got no home

...la,, la la, is where i want to...
...la, la, la why can't you take me...
...la, la, la why won't you take me...

bob dylan-you're gonna make me lonesome when you go

this song has been in my head all week.

liz phair-fuck and run

why is the line 'i'm gonna spend another year alone' so much tougher to listen to than 'i'm gonna spend my whole life alone'?

they might be giants-ana ng

they don't need me here and i know you're there.
god, this is such a sad song.

terry reid-may fly

my favorite replacements story involves terry reid. apparently during the 'all shook down' sessions terry reid was around. the 'mats were huge fans. one night terry came in and did a version of this song that made tommy stinson cry. i'm so glad they didn't record it. i would give everything i have to have been there that night.

you've heard me say it before and i'll say it again. life is beautiful. it's tragic, sad, difficult, and tedious. but there is such beauty all around. you may find it in other people. in love, in art, in food, in the sound of a train whistle at 2 a.m., in a perfectly timed phone call, in a scratch of yr head, in halloween, in violence, in books, in that crisp fall air, in the browning of the leaves, in the greening of the grass, in wine, in whiskey, in a voice. in a human voice.
i love the human voice. even when it's shrill and horrid. even when it's fading away. even when it tells you it..doesn't...love you...anymore.
because the voice is honest. the words it uses may not be, but the voice always gives it away. the voice. the tremble. i like my voice. i like how it sounds when it sings. it's the only thing i like about me.
i hope you guys like this song. i think it's really beautiful. and i think you should all embrace what's beautiful about life. it doesn't last forever, y'know?

four tops-it's the same old song

r.i.p. levi stubbs. what a voice.

mississippi john hurt-you got to walk that lonesome valley

another artist i got turned onto this summer by the one and only j.s. i'm very grateful.

elvis costello and burt bacharach-this house is empty now

the best, and most accurate, divorce song ever written. hope you have no idea what it means.

lost highway-hank williams

this song has been killing me lately. it occurred to me that you don't even have to leave your room to travel the lost highway!

guy clark-dublin blues

i'd like to say this is for rose throat, but it's probly just for me.


drinking mad dog margaritas
and not caring where you are..

album review:the replacements-don't tell a soul (reissue) also, the worst thing i've ever written

i gonna preface this by saying this is the best album title of all time. THAT'S what i want on my tombstone. ferget all that other shit.

so, i'm gonna say i'm 18 or 19. you know me, this isn't a stretch. i'm gonna say it's jan. or feb. i'm gonna put myself in jeans and a t-shirt. i'm gonna be coming home from work with a little buzz. these were the tru-value days (look at us all we're nervous wrecks), so you know what i mean. beers in the cooler. dead soldiers scattered across a cooler floor. the war is over! and we have...decidedly...lost...
so, i'm putting myself in my room. and i feel like i always feel. like i've always felt, like something might happen. something bad. so i need to prepare.

why don't you put a book upon our heads
and put some pistols in our hands
count 20 paces, at dawn
come 20 questions we'll get wrong

i'm gonna make myself a melancholy young thing. sad beyond my years. but it's an act. it's ok, it's alright, nothings really wrong. i'm gonna have myself drinking something strong but cheap (i'm gonna say this is when things were getting bad, y'know, when patterns developed), say wild turkey. i don't know if i've ever really sipped wild turkey, but, hey, this is all fiction. even what you're doing now!

we're too weak to stand
and too meek to stray

i'm having myself put this album on. on this fictional night, even tho' it's never been my favorite 'mats album. but it's good, true, it just sounds like it may be responsible for the goo goo dolls. and that's unforgivable. i'm gonna make this album responsible for the goo goo dolls.
but 'achin' to be'. sigh. us non-purists long for these westerberg moments. and, really, kids, do listen to this song now. when the guitar chimes in on 'she dances....' well, that's as good as it gets.
but back to make believe.

i've been achin' for years

i'm gonna say this album is like falling in love. it's so nervous in spots! i remember there was this cashier i liked at tru-value. robin. i went to a movie with her once. i cannot remember what it was for the life of me. but since this is fiction i'm gonna say that robin williams was in it. i think someone said i look like robin williams once. or was it robbie williams? probly robin. i won't flatter myself.
jesus, i'm having a hard time focusing.
the album is like falling in love. it's sad, nervous, and filled with self doubt. isn't that love?
i'm gonna say it's love. what the fuck do i know?
but it's the tension. the nervousness (to repeat a theme), the danger. is it danger when you put yourself there? what the fuck am i talking about?

they play with your head
but they never stroke your hair

i always liked that line. i'm gonna say my hair has been stroked by a few women. i'm gonna say i have enjoyed it. i'm gonna say the 19 me had never had his hair stroked. i'm gonna say on this night he needed it. does he say 'let me out' at the tail end of that line? i think he does. i think that's scary.
so i had me drinking cheap booze, in jeans and a t. and sad. is that it? was that my life? is that my life? have i become 19 again? then why all these gray hairs?
so, falling in love, and how this album is like it. remember, i said it's like falling in love, not what it's like after you fall in love. that part usually sucks.
it's hard and it's sad and it's exhilarating.

if it's just a game, then i'll break down just in case

i'm getting nowhere here. i'm gonna have myself getting nowhere. alone in my room calling people up and getting no answers.

falling in love for the first time, my my my
falling in love for the hundredth millionth time

and then 'darling one' will play.
(we'll skip rock and roll ghost cuz that's not like falling in love. tha't more like real life)
and 'darling one' will play.
and play.
i'm gonna have that play in my head for the rest of my life.
few things are perfect. people aren't. love isn't. but ideas are. ideas of love are. and for some of you folks, these ideas may become real.
i'm gonna have these ideas remain a dream. i'm gonna have it be better that way.

i call your name, darling one

you can read words and you can hear words. i prefer to hear words. i'm gonna have me prefer to hear words. they are better that way. i'm gonna have them mean more that way.

your time has come... your time has come.....

babyshambles-fuck forever

rebirth of the cool.
jesus, music needed pete doherty.
my current fave song of all time. staggeringly perfect. really? you don't get it?
i know what yer thinking. 'sure, mr.feeb, 'fuck forever', yeah, you're a nihilist. life sucks. nothing works. when you get something it's just gonna go. we're all just running out the clock, i'm sad...boo hoo...poor me...blah...blah..blah...'
fuck you. you don't know me!
the best line in this incredibly great song is:
'happy endings, they still don't bore me'.
yeah.
geez, who woulda thunk? i'm a big fan of a self destructive romantic!
g'night, y'all.

happy birthday, tommy!!

yesterday was tommy stinson's 42nd birthday! i'm glad he's still alive. here he is doing a great johnny thunders cover.

tombstone blues

this is what i want etched on my tombstone:

So tell my baby I said so long
tell my mother I did no wrong
tell my brother to watch his own
and tell my friends to mourn me none
-townes van zandt
'rex's blues'

wussy-yellow cotton dress

'yellow cotton dress, is beautiful no doubt
but it becomes a motherfucker when you fill it out'

i like that.

bjork-hyperballad

I go through all this
Before you wake up
So I can feel happier
To be safe up here with you



y'know, i used to really enjoy my alone time. those precious minutes where you can stretch your legs and mind and unclench every muscle and let the day drip out of you. flip on the television, or put on an album, and just fucking relax.
i miss those days. now, i don't relish being alone. i'm afraid of being alone. not 'i'm afraid i'll be alone for the rest of my life (tho' that's part of it probly), but seriously AFRAID of being alone. afraid to feel my mind coil up, hear it hiss just before it lurches and sinks it's horrid fangs into me.
i find myself calling people, or, as some of you may sadly know, texting incessantly. i don't have much to say, true, i just wanna feel like...like...someone wants to listen.
jesus, when did i become such a pussy?

well said, etc.

'and everyday takes something away
until there's nothing left to say'-matthew sweet 'falling'

album review: all shook down (reissue)- the replacements

'turn it up so i don't have to think'- someone take the wheel

he walks into the nightclub, (this was back when they used to have nightclubs) alone, and spots his phantom hovering above a vacant table. not dressed in a white cloak, but a simple dress. she smiles, but looks nervous. he tears up immediately, with anger and love. she waves him over.
he orders a shot and a short beer. and another for his phantom, which, for obvious reasons, he will have to finish.
the third wheel is the history.
the past is mulled over. the phantom speaks of it like a movie she's seen. a movie she enjoyed but hasn't watched since. he lives every memory over as he speaks it. face twitching (as it does), fingers locking and unlocking, eyes welling.
you are all extras in my movie, he thinks. even you, now...
the phantom flickers like she reads his thoughts. she flickers and disintegrates. he is left alone, reaching for her. the other patrons see a man out of control, or possibly, swatting at flies. it is not out of the ordinary and they leave him alone.
and he lingers on at the nightclub, waiting for his phantom. for years. then one day he sees a girl, sad and beautiful, at the end of the bar.
and the phantom reappears..no...no...not for you...
and disappears again.
so he leaves the nightclub. head like a film projector, and he doesn't remember getting home, or where he stopped along the way...
when he gets home he stumbles through the front door. throws up, miraculously, in the toilet, and staggers to his room.
and his phantom is there.
welcoming him.
he takes his clothes off and crawls, i mean, crrrraaaaawwwwwllllssssss, under the covers. and phantom fingers run through his hair. and four phantom limbs wrap themselves around him, and rock him slowly...to...sleep....

mission of burma- that's when i reach for my revolver

this blog has been awful pussy lately. time to wake myself up. here's one with no strings attached, a great band playing a great song. doesn't reflect on what i'm feeling at all.

sadly beautiful-the replacements

the new 'mats reissues come out this week. get them.
a perfect song. beautiful and sad. so to speak.

thanks.

y'all know how i feel about music. it's with me all the time. take a snapshot of a moment in my life. i will score it.
it's all that matters to me. really. do anything to me but strike me deaf and i will endure.
there are moments, significant moments, when you hear the right song at the right time.
'can't hardly wait', saved me, in the back of k.t.'s grand am. seriously. sucking on a sprite bottle full of vodka, it released me. my vision blurred! i saw cartoon violins! the tone of the guitar! it was like a tube. do you know what i mean? jesus, i don't know if you know what i mean...but it was a moment i will never forget. it defined me. it was beauty amidst my high school ugly. ugly. ugly.
and jane's addiction. maybe to be scoffed at now. but at the time it opened my eyes to a world i couldn't have dreamed of. a world of excess, yes, but also a world of creativity. a world where you could express yourself without censorship.
and i heard dylan, late, it's true. 'desire'. 'one more cup of coffee'. 'sara'. 'sara'. there has never been a sadder song...please, if you don't know it look it up. and think of the one that got away....
and 'pet sounds'. i don't wanna talk about 'pet sounds' right now. i haven't listened to it for quite awhile...
lucy's tapes...
but there are moments! fewer as i get older. moments that are pure magic. moments when i feel like a drunk teenager in the back of a grand am. moments where i feel less alone. like someone, someone i don't know, is speaking to me. naive? yep. juvenile? i'm sure. but i get those moments.
i got it when mike played me 'sequestered in memphis'. it was glorious. it made me feel like the first time i heard 'rosalita'. and that's a great feeling. a feeling of abandon! like it IS us against them and we...may..very...well..win...
we didn't. i didn't. but, mike, thanks for that.
and recently..
recently i had a moment. and i knew within 39 seconds it was a moment. i was on a drive with a friend. a good friend, i hope. she said, pointing at the ipod, 'play some m. ward'. so i did. i'm easy that way. and i played 'transfiguration of vincent'(which, the title, i soon found out was inspired by john fahey, who, y'know, i love!) and an instrumental played. and it was really nice. really. but then came 'vincent o'brien':


'he only sings when he's sad
and he's sad all the time
so he sings the whole night through
yeah, and he sings in the daytime too'

and i remember my eyes rolling back. i looked at the trees (we were driving through a beautiful park) and that's the last thing i remember. i was swept away. i had that 'where have you been all my life?' feeling. it was gorgeous, and i don't think i got over it that weekend. or since.
what can i say?
maybe i feel it all too deeply.
maybe i feel it 'cuz i can't say it.
maybe i'm too dumb to say it.
but that's what keeps me going.
i don't wanna check out too soon.
'cuz i might....miss...a...moment...like...that...

how do you mend a broken heart- al green

just listen.

i want to vanish-elvis costello

you go to see a movie. and it's not that good. it drags, and the plot is cliched, poorly written, characters enter and leave without explanation. it's bad. but not so bad that you'll walk out on it. you paid good money and maybe the ending will have some kind of reward if you ride it out. so you sit there.
but when it's over it feels so good to stretch your legs.

chris mars-popular creeps

they better leave us loners alone. brilliant.

if you think you're lonely now...

yeah, i'm posting a mariah carey clip. this is one of the great soul songs of our time. i'ts up there with 'tracks of my tears'. seriously. it's perfect. a bobby womack reference that brings you to your knees, then the line 'i'm trying to keep it together, but i'm falling apart', which may as well be the name of this blog.
it's a great song cuz it makes you feel it. it makes you feel her pain. it also makes you feel like you wish were the guy she was talking to. i've never been that guy. i've never been able to arouse that kind of passion in a woman. boo hoo. poor me. but that's what you're here for.
she sells it at the end. watch her. or better, yet, close your eyes and listen. listen...it's pure emotion. the mega star fades away and reveals herself as human. and i will always respect her for those 30 seconds where she made me feel..make me feel like i'm not alone. which is the best thing music can do for you. for those few second she is among one of the greats.

alicia keys- no one

it's been pointed out that i don't put many female artists on this blog. true enough. probly cuz i'm so scared of women.
i am a hardcore, but secret, alicia keys fan. i think she writes some of the most timeless soul songs ever. and that rasp, jesus, always makes me think of mary wells, tho' that's not a great comparison. this song makes me feel good. i hope it makes you feel good too.

sad songs say so much (inspired by my favorite sad songs)

a man (again) walks into a bar. the mirror behind the bottles glares back at him. a mirror image of himself, a twisted, jagged image of himself, stares him down. he shivers.
he knows he has walked into the wrong bar. every bottle bottom shelf. every face a bitter mask. a ghost of a chance covering a wasted frame. an acid washed classic. y'know?
and she is a ghost, it's true. gone before she met you. and you are chasing shadows, stamping your feet onto the hard ground, grasping at hallucinations.
maybe you are the ghost, kid.
maybe you're not there.
cuz, you...obviously..don't...matter...
(sadly beautiful, 'the mat's, cue it.)
and you stir in your sleep. seriously. dogs snap at your ankles. you wake and snack. eat, eat, eat, (if i can't be your lover than i'll be a pest-d.johnston).
and you, he, whatever, swirl back to a bar brimming with life. and you fixate on a girl in a dress who looks like you always imagined. like you hope a girl in a dress will look. like a girl who looks through you. cuz she knows better.
and the song now..uh...let's go with 'fool says' by m. ward (you got it short!) tho' it's all, really, vincent o'brien)
and the sad songs swirl though your (his, aw, fuck the parenthesis) head. my head. like my head swins in the sad songs. cuz i wallow in it. the sadness. cuz i get it. i understand it. it makes sense to me.
and i love it, love it, so.

okkervil river-john allyn smith sails

for david foster wallace.

you are my sunshine-dylan and cash

this is for a friend who really loves this song. i haven't heard this before, but i've heard stuff with the two of them singing and it's always beautiful. enjoy! god, i love good music.

m. ward-vincent o'brien

yeah...

the temptaitions-just my imagination

read this as you listen to the song. othewise it doen't work.

a man walks into a bar. sits in a booth for 4. orders a gin and tonic. waits. waits and watches. and sips his drink. eyes the jukebox. suspiciously, as it spits out the hits of the recent past. songs that die before they end. songs that evaporate into the smokey air.
he watches through the window. for her. for the girl that makes his heart skip. not jump, but skip. enough to make him worry. and one walks in. and it's not her. and he sips his drink. and he imagines himself, content, and at peace. and another one walks in. and it's not her. and he imagines himself, sleepy, on a couch, with fingers through his hair.
and he orders another drink.
and looks at the jukebox.
and thinks, hmmmmmmmmmmmm, 'tracks of my tears'? no. 'you send me'? nah. 'band of gold'? jeez! fuck! no! not that one! not now! you're trying to forget that one!
(and remember this is all dream)
and another drink...
and his mind wanders...
where it shouldn't.
sometimes wanting someone is better than having them. (think about that, kids. really.)
and the lights and the sounds swirl. and someone plays 'just my imagination'.
and do you hear in his voice? when he sings, so subtly, 'once again'? once again.
we don't learn from our past. we are creatures of habit. that's why we get hung up on our past.
ahemmmmmm.
that's why HE gets hung up on HIS past. (we're being objective here).
and another drink goes down.
and she still doesn't show.
tho' another one does. and she strolls past him so slow. and he buries his head in his chest, cuz it's...all...so...scary....
and the tremolo of the guitar matches the quivering in his throat. it's nervous but peaceful. i..i...i...something. i something. what?
what?
he's a mess. it's true. and he expects too much. he feels too much. the jukebox eggs him on. he wishes he didn't feel too much. to feel nothing, like those guys who seem to be able to walk to, and away from, the best ones. who come without warning, leave without feeling (to coin a phrase).
but he's destined to sit there, true, gin after gin, pining for every girl who walks into the bar. cuz the one he wants is walking away...cuz in reality...she doesn't even know me...

the lemonheads- outdoor type

i went camping this weekend! and i had a great time! but for the week before i went this song was going through my head...

well said, etc.

Music is a beautiful opiate, if you don’t take it too seriously.
- Henry Miller

bruce springsteen-devils and dust

an amazingly beautiful song. i love the e street band, sure, but nothing beats bruce alone with a guitar.
i once saw a woman perform this and 'baby got back' on the same evening. stunning. the woman and the songs!

afghan whigs-if i only had a heart

sinister. the tin man is rusting in his grave!
i've decided to live my single life like gregg dulli. maybe minus the coke.

tim buckley-song to the siren

jeff's dad.
what a song. what a performance.
'did i dream you dreamed about me'.

that line kills me.

the kinks-jukebox music

i am insightful enough to know that the woman the davies bros. are singing about could be me. 'she lets the music dictate the way that she feels'.
it's true. my favorite thing to do is sit and listen to music. and when i'm not i'm thinking about it. i mean, jesus, look at this pathetic blog! this is my mid-life crisis! most guys buy a convertible, get a young girlfriend, go to clubs, hang around and clumsily grabbed for whatever may make them feel young for a moment. i never wanted to be young. a wise(er) man once said 'being old is a drill, being a kid is a bore'.
my mid-life crisis is trying to find a wire song that describes my alienation, or a minutemen song that expresses my frustration with work, or a daniel johnston song that echoes my failings with unattainable women.
but it's only there to dance to, really.
i love it so....

tim hardin-black sheep boy

why is this song so great? i don't know. it just is. try and find a bad version of it. you can't. i like scott walkers best.

barenaked ladies-the old apartment

i work down the block from the apartment me and lucy lived when we first moved here. it wasn't a great place but i remember being really happy there. now, it's kinda up there on top of the hill, like a finger pointing at me every morning as i shuffle my weary body through works parking lot.
i gotta get a new job.

a song for a friend

'mama, you been on my mind' - bob dylan
my all time favorite dylan song. the words describe the kind of man i want to be. i'm not, but i'm trying.
there are a few versions of this, but this is my fave. his voice totally betrays the lyric. or maybe i'm just putting my own shit on it. i do that.
and, the line 'i'm just whispering to myself so i can't pretend that i don't know' may be the prettiest, saddest line i've ever heard.

or maybe it's the weather, or something like that.

pere ubu-breath

pere ubu are better than whatever you may be listening to. and if you don't get why dave thomas is so great then, well, to quote lou reed, 'you're not the kind of person that i even want to meet'.

johnny cash-i see a darkness

i once had a theory that all the best music was unheard. that when music was pure it was unrecordable. that the worlds most beautiful songs just evaporated into the ether.
this is johnny cash doing a version of will oldham's 'i see a darkness'. so stark. cash at the end of his life, barely croaking out the song. the ghost of june carter cash haunts every word. when will oldham joins him on the chorus it's almost too much to bear.
i've got tons of other bullshit theories.